Why is it so hard to let myself rest?
Maybe I’m part cat or something because I feel like all I do some days is sleep.
I hate when I have energy to do something but no time to get it done. Though, it’s worse when I have spare moments to get things done, but my energy is depleted.
Lately, I’ve had a list of things that I would love to be doing… but then as soon as I get done with class or work, I seem to lose energy and all I feel like doing is relaxing.
I want to get stuff done. I don’t want take all this precious time and just lay around and waste it.
My time right now is valuable so it has to go to only the necessities. I feel like I’m missing out on parts of life right now. I wish I could work on blogging, read, and do crafts more. I want to enjoy my hobbies. I wish I could muster up energy to do the things I love.
But when I finally have the time, I feel tired.
I ended up taking a 2 hour nap one day and it felt amazing… but there went those two hours. Another day, I watched Psych episodes… when I should have gotten more work done. The day before that I got to relax more… but I could’ve started holiday crafts or read another chapter of Love and Respect.
I love relaxing through naps or watching Netflix but there’s days where I feel like fighting it. I’d rather have energy to do my hobbies.
Why do I fight it?
Why do I need to fight such a wonderful relaxing time? What if they are good (keeping me sane through my days) and what if needing that much relaxation won’t last? It’s a struggle to remember that I won’t always be in a season where my head is running faster than my body can keep up with. I won’t always be newly married taking two intense college classes. This is a season. Sure there will be more seasons where I feel this… but it is not going to last forever. My energy will come back. I will be able to function better someday but for now… I choose to not force myself. I choose to take care of myself first. I choose to let other people (that love me and would love to be there for me) to help me.
I choose to be present in whatever form I’m in. If Present needs me to take a nap then I am going to do that fully. If Present says “be still” then I am going to sit in that stillness even if nothing around me is still and even if there’s a deadline calling my name. I am going to soak up the stillness to better function at work.
I am going to love my husband by being with him just a few more seconds before the dishes get done. And then I’m going to focus on those dishes, thinking of how blessed I am to have Chris, a great education, a home, a place to find rest, and people to find rest with, and God to find rest in.
I will get to the things I’ve been wanting to do. In fact, this next season is about to come with an end to this semester.
Right now, I need patience with myself, to not be upset with my own shortcomings. I need to lean on my husband and friends more. I need to give myself grace. Grace to get through now. Grace to be nice to myself when I can’t get function the way I wish I could. Grace for the moments when I’m mad that I fall short.
***This week know what you do is important but neglecting your body along the way is only going to make it harder to do the same things. Take care of yourself. You and your health are valuable.
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